by Stephen Nevill, MS, LPC
Divorce rates for a first marriage in the United States is at 41% as of 2024. This results in numerous split homes every year. This is an extremely difficult time for everyone involved, especially if there are children. Most parents do not want to harm their children emotionally when going through a divorce, but it is undoubtedly hard for children to grasp what is happening, depending on their age and maturity.
A child living in a home that is splitting is losing a foundation that is pivotal in their life, whether they are 5 years old or 15. Different struggles will come with different ages. There is often a great deal of fighting among the parents that can be quite heated and even traumatic for everyone in the home. Rarely are divorces clean easy transitions, no matter how much the parents try to keep their children from being affected.
Children must be kept as a priority. Most parents undoubtedly love their children, therefore, finding ways to keep the children some form of stability/schedule is paramount.
The following are some simple and doable plans to provide the children with what they need:
- Continue to make sure they get their evening routine with parents (story time etc.), even alternating who does it.
- Continue doing fun family outings either together or separate.
- Have family meetings once a week where the children are given a space to express how they are doing and what they are struggling with.
- Keeping any of the adult issues with the divorce out of direct view of the children and treating each other with respect in front of them.
- Parents backing each other up on the rules that will be withheld in both homes.
- Consider therapy for the family. Children can have someone safe to talk to about what they are going through, and the parents can get help with learning how to communicate with this new way of life.
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